AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. LUIS SUAREZ BITING OTMAN BAKKAL -- WHO GOES AROUND BITING PEOPLE?!?!?!?! THAT IS NOT COOL AT ALL!!!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD DROPKICK THEM IN THE HEAD AND THEN PUT SCORPIONS IN THEIR SOCKS LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING!!!!!!!!! PLUS EVERYONE KNOWS THAT PEOPLE TASTE AWFUL!!!!!!! I'VE BITTEN SEVEN OR EIGHT DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND THEY WERE ALL DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!
2. SAMUEL ETO'O'S HEADBUTT -- ZIDANE ALREADY DID THIS!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO BE ORIGINAL YOU SHOULD TRY HEADBUTTING STREET SIGNS OR HOUSE PETS!!!!!!!! EXCEPT THAT WOULDN'T BE ORIGINAL EITHER BECAUSE I DO THAT SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK!!!!!!!! LAST NIGHT I HEADBUTTED A PARROT!!!!!!!!!
3. FORMER CLUJ MANAGER'S MELTDOWN -- WHY DID HE GET SACKED?!!!?!?? THIS MAN IS EASILY THE GREATEST MANAGER OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I WANT HIM TO BE MY LIFE COACH SO WE CAN GO AROUND KICKING PLEXIGLASS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!! IT WOULD BE SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I KNOW THAT IT WAS THANKSGIVING IN AMERICA ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE DAYS WHEN CORN IS AT ITS STRONGEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU ARE AMERICAN AND YOU ATE CORN ON THANKSGIVING CONGRATULATIONS ON BECOMING INFECTED!!!!!!!!! SAMUEL ETO'O WILL AROUND TO HEADBUTT YOU IN THE CHEST SHORTLY AND THEN LUIS SUAREZ WILL BITE YOU EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH THE KERNELED MENACE AND ITS GREEN BEAN MINIONS MUST BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!
5. SCHWEINSTEIGER HONKING MULLER'S CROTCH -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!???!!?!? IF ONE OF MY TEAMMATES EVER DID THIS TO ME I WOULD SET THEM ON FIRE AND THEN SET THEM ON FIRE AGAIN!!!!!!!!
6. CHICHARITO'S SALSA SONG -- AHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO NOT FAIR!!!!!!! I WANT A SONG ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!! IT CAN BE A SPEED METAL SONG ABOUT HOW I ASSAULT BIRDS AND FIGHT THE EVIL OF CORN!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!! I AM ALMOST CRYING FROM THE POTENTIAL AWESOMENESS AND MY OVERWHELMING HATRED OF CORN!!!!!!!!
7. REAL MADRID'S INTENTIONAL BOOKINGS -- THIS IS STUPID!!!!!!!!! IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF SENT OFF ON PURPOSE AT LEAST DO SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE LIKE DECAPITATING SOMEONE OR SPANKING THE REFEREE!!!!!!!!! DON'T JUST DANCE AROUND LIKE AN ESCAPEE FROM A MENTAL INSTITUTION!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU'RE AT A RESTAURANT AND THEY DON'T SERVE YOU AS QUICKLY AS YOU WOULD LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. COLORADO RAPIDS CELEBRATING THEIR CHAMPIONSHIP IN COSTUMES -- I WANT TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!! IF FIORENTINA WIN THE SCUDETTO I AM GOING TO DRESS UP LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT AND/OR THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT I WANT TO DO THAT THEN YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS WEIRD!!!!!! STOP JUDGING ME OR I WILL HEADBUTT YOUR PARROT!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- WHILE DAN WAS WORKING HIS NEW IDIOT JOB ON TUESDAY HE ASKED ME TO CHECK IN ON HIS GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!! I WAS VERY BUSY TRYING TO TEACH MY MICROWAVE VOICE ACTIVATION BY SCREAMING AT IT AND THROWING SLICES OF BREAD OUT THE WINDOW SO I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE BUT I DID BECAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF GUY I AM!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I GOT TO DAN'S HOUSE THE BOY GOOBER KID ASKED IF WE COULD PRACTICE HIS PENALTY KICKS AGAINST ME AND THE GIRL GOOBER KID ASKED IF I WOULD DO KARAOKE WITH HER!!!!!!!!! THEY WOULDN'T SHUT UP SO I DID A FLIP AND PUNCHED THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! I SAID "THAT ALL SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT I THINK THEIR IDEAS ARE STUPID!!!!!!!!!! THEN I TOLD THEM THAT I AM THE ADULT SO WE WILL DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!!!!!!! WE BUILT A FORT OUT OF COUCH CUSHIONS AND BLANKETS AND PRETENDED THE CORN WAS COMING TO GET US!!!!!!! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN AND HORRIFYING AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN'S BOSS MAKES HIM WORK INHUMANE HOURS SO WE CAN BUILD MORE FORTS IN HIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: Violachannel.tv
Related: Artur Borucs Friday Rage List
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